Friday, January 23, 2009

Let Go & Let God

I know it has been awhile since I posted. Everything is fine, just busier than normal...what is normal, really? Life is always busy, but managed better when you make time for God.

I had the pleasure of attending a Ladies Night Out speaking event last night. It was organized by Proverbs 31 Ministries. There were several speakers & singers...Lysa TerKeurst, Renee Swope, Jason Catron, & Ayiesha Woods. The featured speaker was Kate Gosselin from TLC's Jon & Kate plus 8. I love that show and have watched it for a couple of years. I honestly use to watch it to make myself feel better when I would get a case of "poor me". This was mostly when the twins were very little and the majority of my day was spent feeding, changing diapers and wrangling my very active 2 year old. I found comfort in the fact that someone else was going through a harder time than I was. If she could do it, then surely I could, right? Well, life is much more manageable today than a couple of years ago, for me & also for the Gosselin Family. Believe me, we still have our challenges, but they are just different.

Kate recently wrote a book sharing her faith journey through a very difficult and blessed time in her life...adding 6 to her family of 4. She was very candid about her struggles and also how God continually provided for her family. I was blessed to hear her story. As she was about to finish up, she said something that held much significance for me. She said, "God is always in control & you can not put a time frame on God."

Now, I know these statements are true because I have been a Christian for many years and God is absolutely in control, but that does not mean that I (Christians) don't struggle with trying to take that control away from God at times. I am struggling in a area of my life where I have been trying to put a time frame on God. This struggle is specifically related to the six frozen embryos that Billy and I have from the IVF we have done in the past. Am I saying that I want more children, not exactly, but I am trying to find some direction in this area and I have been putting "MY" time frame on it. I came away from the event with an "AH HA!" moment. It was like a light bulb went off inside my head telling me to STOP trying to control the situation and let GOD take control of it. So here I am, I will wait for God to give me direction. Where will it lead us? I am not sure, but I know that it will be inspired by God and not me.

I will share more on this later, but in the interim, please pray for God to guide Billy & I in this situation...specifically for the peace to adopt the embryos out or the courage to have more children.

After writing all of that, I realize my attraction to the show had a much deeper meaning than just empathy. It was God.



kammy said...

Thanks for sharing, Tanni. I will certainly be praying for you and Billy in this area... It sounds like the Ladies Night Out event was awesome - I thought about going, but second guessed it since I already have such limited time with mason... glad it was worthwhile and I'll now be on the lookout for Kate's book!

Lisa said...

Tanni, last night God had me thinking and praying for your embryos too while at the Girl's Night Out! I have and will continue to pray for direction on this. I love how he continues to weave our paths together and deepen our relationship.

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